Requiem for a Dream !

"I was dead sure, I had been sober" was the last thing that I was able to recall.So it definitely cannot be delirium.  

Noticing the dazzling display of fireworks in the pitch dark wintry  night along with the  calm flow of a river carrying flowers,diyas et al flowing besides me amidst the intermittent din of  conch shells from afar made me wonder if I was really in Pantnagar or Benares ??? 

" I was celebrating Diwali "

 A faint recollection dawned upon me.

 "Yes surely how can I forget those idiosyncratic acts of shooting rockets, throwing crackers and yelling ourselves hoarse in front of the houses of some of our " special friends ;) " and absconding immediately ".

"But where are my pals who were my partners in the above crime ?" 

Came an afterthought.

Contemplating my thoughts and trying to find my way out of this paradox. I looked towards the river for inspiration. Unlike men (sometimes the fairer sex too :p), nature did not disappoint me.I saw the wavy,reddish yellow reflection of a bonfire in the river. I instinctively started briskly walking towards the bonfire presuming it to be torched by my friends. 

 The betel leaves and the half chewed Paans strewn all along the river bank proved beyond reasonable doubt that I was indeed in one of the Ghats of Varanasi.

"How did I end up here ??" 

This question was consuming 100% of my heads CPU usage.But I was unable to troubleshoot or  do an end task operation and log out of this eerie experience.

Panting I reached the fringes of my destination ; from there I could distinctly discern the bonfire and its ambience in the moonless night . Sheer terror and horror ran through my veins when I realized it was not a bonfire but a funeral pyre !!. The humans around it were not my friends but Aghoris, a dreaded,esoteric tribe. People who are feared and revered simultaneously.

Running away was the reflex reaction to this extraordinary external stimuli. But this knee jerk reaction was tamed by the inquisitiveness of human mind. So, reluctantly my feet plodded the path towards those four men. The men were completely nude having ash rubbed throughout their body making it even impossible to judge the colour of their skin leave alone identifying their faces.Holding a trident in one hand and a human skull in other,they really looked fearsome .Their matted hairs dancing freely as they fervently  ranted something in English while running around the fire. 

Wait...English ?? !!!

For a second it made me believe that I have gone nuts.But the English words "It is bliss" laced in thick Israeli accent thumped my eardrums again.The tallest among them noticed my presence and stared at me. He then mumbled something to his mates and suddenly at lights pace the four of them surrounded me.Although I felt cowed down, I could not help noticing their crimson red eyes as if they have not slept for years and have been stoned since eternity.They smeared some ash on my face and poured liquor on my head. I was too stupefied to react. Minutes later,I had gauged the gravity of the situation.I was about to be offered as an offering to Sh..Shm..something having absolutely zilch interest of mine,so I did not pay any heed to the name.The most important thing in the universe for me at that very moment was that I was about to die.I vigorously tried to free myself from their grip but it was a futile attempt, they were monstrously powerful.I cursed myself for returning back. I finally realised why curiosity killed the cat.They finally started ripping off my clothes and pouring liquor all over my body.With the last piece of cloth removed from my body ended all the hopes of survival and I accepted my gruesome fate.They for the last time chanted a mantra and threw me into that funeral pyre anticipating my cooked human meat which they could relish.

Miraculously the fire extinguished !!!

Finding myself on earth and not in heaven or hell made me jump in ecstasy.Seeing this unfortunate turn of events the four Aghoris became visibly angry and ran towards me with their tridents.But just before the tip of their trident was about to kiss my chest, they stopped.There were a series of incessant curses and abuses being rained on them in the worst and choicest Hindi words. The source of them was a towering, more than 7 ft tall, Aghori standing right behind me.The sight of this giant Aghori scared the pack of four and they left me unharmed.

"Bloody thrill seeking hippies !!! They are disgrace !! Bringing a bad name to the whole cult !!"

The giant Aghori said, still using the choicest and finest of curses that the Hindi vocabulary has to offer. 

I was still scanning through the length and breadth of the Aghori trying to establish his measurements when in a flash he shrunk himself to a normal size.I was petrified.I did not know how to proceed: here is a man who saved my life by the skin of my teeth but in the same vein he himself is a part of this cult and at least it appears does supernatural things.He saved me the trouble of initiating a conversation.

"Who are You ?? 

Why are you roaming in Manikarnika Ghat on Kartik Amavasya ??

If you are here to shoot videos and make money then f***k off !! "

He again started  using his choicest Hindi words.

I pacified him by earnestly telling him my credentials and told him that even I don't know how or why I am here. Being fully nude the question of carrying a camera did not arise.

He gazed at my face for a while then turned his attention to my heat seeking moisture missile stationed near the juncture of thighs and quipped I expected someone more manly.

I could not have the privilege of feeling offended.I smiled sheepishly my teeth chattering due to the icy winds.Seeing my deplorable condition the Aghori blew a kiss to the extinguished funeral pyre and viola the fire reignited. I felt better, The Aghori lit a joint, took a deep drag and puffed through his nostrils conjuring the OM symbol in thin air with the smoke.

"We consider everything holy and embrace it. Aghora literally means non-terrifying.It seeks to negate all that is ghora (terrifying) in life.The ghora encompasses all those experiences that most people find intolerable, for almost everyone is as ready to enjoy life's pleasures as they are to avoid misery. Most spiritual advisers admonish their devotees to shy away from the ghora, but aghoris (practitioners of Aghora) embrace the ghora fervidly, for what most terrifies an aghori is the prospect of becoming mired in duality. Aghoris go so far into the ghora that the ghora becomes tolerable to them; diving deeply into darkness, an aghori finally surfaces into light. No means to awakening is too disgusting or frightening for an aghori, for Aghora is the Path of the Shadow of Death, the path that forcibly separates an individual from attachment to every ordinary self-descriptor. People condemn Aghora's outwardly repugnant practices because they cannot see beneath their ritual skin. If they could but peep into an aghori's heart they would find there an ache for Reality so fierce that no means could be too extreme to achieve it. This ache drives the divine fury, the passionately unrestrained non-attachment to absolutely everything, that is Aghora's hallmark. Aghoris earn their illumination by incinerating themselves moment by moment in their own internal fires, laughingly consuming any substance and performing any activity that might further enkindle their awareness."

Thus he spoke after taking another drag.

"Boy, you are too young to understand the difference. You just watch us eating meat, smoking weed and doing things you people classify as "creepy stuff". What you don't see is the subtle and mysterious connection between things. We use human skull, blood, and bones in our rituals because that remind us of our human body. How many times a day you think of this fact that you are dying at this very moment ? You worldly people just think of life as you were never going to die and so these words like "death" and "bones" freak you out. Isn't there any difference between an Aghori smoking weed and a naive young guy taking drugs in a nightclub? For you there's no difference because you give importance to matter (weed, drugs). While actually the difference is in the experiences and the intentions. I don't smoke weed for pleasure. I don't wear clothes, I don't have a penny, I don't keep any worldly relations with anyone, I've renounced almost everything. All for what? To smoke weed and get pleasure out of it? Pleasure is a meaningless thing for me. Pleasure is for worldly people. My senses don't seek pleasure any more. I smoke weed because it just helps me concentrating my mind and accomplishing extreme yogic practices, which otherwise would be difficult for me to do."

Finally he ended his exposition.

I kowtowed the Aghori for his eruditon and for saving me from those imposters.

I felt something gooey on my head.It was slimy and had a strong stench.

He had excreted on my head !! 

 "Bom Shankar !" He bellowed.

It was a very unusual blessing to say the least.

I guess this is what they call "Holy SHIT !! "

Thankfully it was not shit but my friends gentle patting to wake me up and a cue that the boring and banal CBSH lecture was over !!!

An Outsider Everywhere

Disclaimer :"This post is not meant for sentimental fanatics,neither this side nor on the opposite.It is meant for reasonable practical human beings,which I sincerely believe every common man is."

From times since I began my revolution aroun the sun and now about to complete the 19th iteration, I have never been able to identify myself completely with any rigid social group,friend circle,society or coterie. I believe I have never been competent enough and acutely lack the temperament to belong to these institutions.

Let no stranger assume by the above statement that I am a reticent or reclusive person on the contrary people who know me would vouch for my gregariousness and affability but still when it comes to formalizing and proudly proclaiming ones association I have been a laggard.

I have taken birth in a quintessential modern middle class Hindu family,hence was never troubled with learning the Vedas,Smritis et al ; spirituality at its acme meant chanting Hanuman Chalisa on tuesday in my childhood and fervently praying that the teacher spares the rod on me tomorrow. But slowly and gradually ,call it the grace of god or my sheer disinterest in school curriculum, my wanderings led me to the University Library where I encountered a few authorative texts on Hinduism which made me realize that this faith is neither about asking God for making 2+2=5 in lieu of  1 Kg of laddus nor about just renunciating Moh-Maya and becoming a Bal Brahmachari Baba.I got hooked to Hinduism and this dalliance lasted till the fag end of my schooling (occasional flirting still continues). Thus a natural choice would have been atleast a token and passive membership of some right wing organization but that choice never saw light of the day. I could not reconcile with their line of thought that one can wash-off his sins by dying in Benares or cleanse ones soul by having a dip in MODIfied Ganges. I could not share their contempt and disdain for the four earthly pleasures. I was not able to appreciate ManuSmritis erudition which sometimes appeared draconian to me.Lastly I had a Muslim girlfriend(or closest to ever having a girlfriend) and these bodies would have definitely kicked me out solely on this reason.Hence saffron remained only an acquaintance.

My teenage infatuation for the girl inspired me to do a crash course in Islam.To be brutally honest,it had less to do with knowing about Allah than about flaunting my newfound Islamic rudimentary scholarship to her.Eventually I came to admire the unfliching faith in Allah a true muslim holds. I looked upon Prophet(pbuh) as an idol to emulate.The noble concept of Zakat and the five pillar hold a true testimony to the maganimity of Islam. Islamic Banking always fascinated me. But here also the red lines had already been made : I believed in Idol worship( a strict no in Islam+tolerated in Hinduism) . I always had the grudge that Islam does not provide a level playing field,for instance it encouraged the conversion of Kafirs to Islam but severely condemned the opposite. Thus this questioning mind was not able to find solace in the singularity of Islam.

"Workers of the world unite!!  You have nothing to loose but your chains !! "-Those rallying cries were my first contact with Communism/Socialism/Leftism spoken by a Rickshaw puller 6-7 years back at a strike in Badi Market.The passion those words carried moved me. I daresay no modern politicans or speakers word can move me that much. Marx and Engel appeared to me the saviour of these Rickshaw Pullers. Their vision of a casteless society, equal status of men and women;these ideas were the bedrock of modern world. The maxim " From each according to his ability; To each according to his need" has been a gospel truth which should be applied on government policies every now and then.The rendezvous with Leftism ended when I realized that it overlooked a very fundamental natural law-The law of competition.Communists despised competition thus an industrious person would have no place in such a system. Entrepreneurship would have been a distant dream if I would have stayed a Marxist.

Capitalism was never a choice, it was forced down the throat, I was born when India was espousing the capitalistic creed and going gaga over its spillover effects(Effects which are yet to be seen).I never felt attracted to it because I humbly believe it breeds insatiable greed and creates an overtly consumeristic, materialistic world and in its westernized form is completely incogruous for India.

Thus I have always declined to be bound by any interpretation however learned it may be, if it is repugnant to my reason and moral sense. This may seem haughty and might be the reason that I am considered "An Outsider Everywhere" !